Saturday, March 18, 2006

expressing the emptiness inside me..

End of the HOLs

it is already the end of the holidays, have i been wasting my time doing things that i should not do? i dunno i juz noe that i dun have the mood to blog at all it is juz that...i feel that since i have a blog maybe i should use it fully.
let me update how i m feeling now...magical? well yea...cuz i juz read charmaine's entry on the disney on ice. and she quoted some quotes over there, and with her good eng, her description of the whole thing was really...attractive! i love disney! i wanna see the old fairytales and darn do i feel stupid and really guilty forgetting all the other fairytales and only rmb one pathetic outdated cinderalla. god darn...haiz...i will keep myself updated hope i can...
yea...den it is like the few things that happened this week was the el camp. din really did a detailed analysis of the el camp. generally it was (dun scold me!) average? yea...sorrie seniors, i noe you had put in a lot of effort...but on that day i dunno why though shihui they all did come back but the atmostphere wasn't there at all! i can't feel the high-ness in my el mates at all! izzt cuz the juniors, we are not enthu enough? i seriously dunno i juz noe that my high spirit were actually dampened during this day camp. but still i love el! i love some juniors...the rest are still toleratorable...(izzt like that spell?) i hope i din see wrongly in some of the juniors cuz i really want them and myself and all my el mates to enjoy in el...and not feel it as a dread...ariel says she likes el cuz of the seniors...i think i like el cuz of the ppl in there...both the seniors and the juniors and of cuz my mates....i like the character puzzle actually...it is both interesting and...juz interesting and entertaining...it really tests on our impromtu skills and i think they are not bad...not for our group of cuz...and i learnt alot of famous ppl on earth seriously...famous ppl that i will nva noe and yet...others noe...haiz...darn m i outdated!
well the next biggest thing is the event that happened yesterday. i cried...cried till my double eyelid became one this morn and after much 'persuasion' it returned to two? hahs well yea...i cried...cuz of my stupidity...cuz of that quarrel...and cuz of my wastage of the past two months...well i think i wasted them...i dunno wat i had been doing...had i been doing the correct thing...i see myself as a super lost gal with no one helping...i told my mum she kept on telling things that i dun want to hear...do i need huijin? maybe i do...maybe only huijin knows wat i m thinking or m i all alone in this? i dunno i very scared...i dun want to turn bad...i still want good results i cannot lost to others...(you should noe who...) i dunno who is ever going to read this but pls keep it to yourself...i only know that...i m scared...will my studies drop? did i waste that two months? or maybe now i shouldn't be thinking of all this i should be studying and not typing all these things out...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! my mind is now in a total mess...m i doing the right thing? can a good person pls lead me back to the track that i m suppose to take? i dunno...
the third biggest thing that happened was today's el meeting for sec one and two for the Speak Good English Movement. i think this is suppose to be a surprise to all the other sec ones and twos i dunno but i juz noe that I M GOING TO WRITE THE SCRIPT AGAIN!!! hahs hahs hahs...well dun mind me i m crazy about this thing it is juz that i m very scared i duno how to write...do i noe? can i gt everything together? i dunno i hope i can...i seriously hope so...

i want to be a normal gal...with a normal and simple life...simplicity...it is all i ask for...