Once upon a time, I was falling in love
 But now, I'm only falling apart
 There's nothing I can do
 A total eclipse of the heart

Once upon a time, there was light in my life
 But now, there's only love in the dark
 There's nothing I can say
 A total eclipse of the heart

I am always in the dark..

♥ PROFILE

hest borned on 07.04.xxxx, crazily in love with maths and dogs. is labelled nerdy and hardworking need of frens =D totally treasure them.

♥ DESIRES
.gd grades. .gd frens around me. .doggie. .your love.

♥ LEAVE ME A TAG

♥ FRIENDS

.0.5 bizarre.
.1cheesecake.2complicated.
.3/4absolutezero.
.ELDDS.

.0.5bizarrians.
.charmaine.♥
.eileen.
.geraldine.
.jhosy.
.kexin.
.michelle.
.peixian.
.rita.
.stella.
.weilin.
.winnie.
.yeejin.
.yingting.
.zhiyi.

.3absolutezero-ians.
.jiamin.
.xueqiang.
.yingying.
.zhiying.

.eldds.
.ariel
.charlene.
.cheryl.
.jesslyn.
.jiayi.
.joshua.
.josephine.
.kasey.
.minni.
.natalie.
.ningqian.
.olivia.
.waimin.
.weilin.

.svps.
.algernon.
.grace.
.germain.
.haiwei.♥
.huijin.
.joesph.
.siewhwee.
.weiling.
.yinting.

.rvhs.
.jaslin.
.jonathan.
.lixin.
.sinyee.
.sylvia.

.THIMUN.
.camilla.
.janice.
.marcus.

.RMUN.
.cheryl.
.edmund.
.fabian.
.lintong.
.thil.

.others.
.adria.
.gladys.
.musfirah.
.victor.

ARCHIVES;

November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007

CREDITS;

Designer
Photobucket.
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Picture: Hollowland
Brushes

Friday, January 27, 2006
1/27/2006 03:32:00 pm

memories i would do better without...

things haben been going as i expected this weeek...dun wanna elaborate juz wanna noe wat have i done wrong...wat have i done...was i too direct that i hurt him...i dun want to...i juz want a fren and that is all...nth else...a good fren...a fren that talks to me...make me laugh...nth else...i hope we are not over yet...i still want frens...maybe one day i will fall for him...without knowing it...but i still want him as a fren now...for now for this year also can...juz a very good fren...

went back to sv today...found memories i could have do better without...memories of us...it is everywehere in the building...found back my old nick -- hamster --... the old frens of mine...i miss them...i really miss them...i miss sv...i really miss the life in there at least it is so much better den now...i think...teachers helping you all the way...if you gt prob you juz go to them...but now it is all different...how i wish i can hug them real tightly and sit facing the field all day and start to think about wat had happened...wat exactly happened to me all my life...i have been running and avoiding...running and running...i did stop once...but the pain in me is still there...now someone wants me to stop...should i? the wound was not ok yet...i dun dare...i dunno wat will happen...and i dun want to try...i juz want to led a peaceful life...

memories are things that are scary yet...beautiful...

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Monday, January 23, 2006
1/23/2006 05:30:00 pm

i feel odd...

i feel odd...i feel really odd...by now in our normal school days we will have tests already...it is already the week four and i haben learnt anything really really proper yet...projects juz keep coming in my ways!!! i can't stand it...i really dunno how to do the physics project...all the ideas that you all came up with sounds terrible to me...there is nth i can sae because i myself duzzen have any ideas...i wish i have so that i can stop hearing your ideas but...i dun...i feel really stressed up with all the ideas and that...i feel frightened...scared...scared that you all will mistaken...scared that i will make the wrong decisions...i want to the hardworking and only hardworking gal...i dun like making decisions...i dun like doing everything because if there is a little wrong the fault will be mine...i make decision based on my own personal strong believes so sometimes i really wonder if my believes are correct...m i doing the right thing...m i doing wat i m suppose to be doing...m i doing wat my mission to earth is...i really dunno.........is 14 a good no or a bad one? why does fourteens have so much trouble or izzt me only...everything nid an explanation...everything nid reflections...everything nid to do research...ppl are improving while i feel that i m only deproving...m i? well the obvious answer is yes...my mind is not as good as before...my height from 156 drop to 155...i feel terrible very terrible...i m not going up i m going down...BUT I WANT TO MOVE UPWARDS...but it so difficult and i feel tired...izzt me or izzt my imagination???

i nid determination...all i have is determination....determination and you can pull through...trust yourself hester...you CAN do it!!!

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Wednesday, January 18, 2006
1/18/2006 05:49:00 pm

feeling really tired...

haiz...i dunno why but i think i m not myself lately...i dun rmb myself studying in lsns...i dun feel like doing project works...i m not as enthu as last time...i feel tired...i m not so active in class activities...i feel really tired...i feel that...it is not me...i feel that this is not hester lau...i feel that now this hester lau writing this thing is not the real hester lau...i dun want to be like slacky all over...i want to be the usual outspoken..and reponsible and...juz the usual me...not slacky...not blur...not forgetful...i really want to noe wat had happen to me...boohoohoo...i aren't my usual self at all...i feel sick and tired of this world...but i dun want to be like this...i want to be like last year...the always hyper and active hester (not really active...but at least beta den now...)!!! WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME???!!! i dun understand myself...well take this as a reflection for the past two weeks i m going to be the usual hester lau again...say bye bye to the old hester you see for the past two weeks...and sae hello to the one coming rite up!

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Friday, January 13, 2006
1/13/2006 09:12:00 pm

50th anniversary rehearsal at UCC (university curtural centre)

hello! it had been long (about a week) since i blog sorrie!!! yea...this week very busy...busy with the golden jubilee (50th anniversary) and the noticeboard. this week though busy but gt nth much to talk about. so i will start with yesterday den today ok? well you can't sae not ok ;)

12/1/06

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAIMAN!!! hahs...well i din forgt it is his birthday juz that i din sms him nor email him dun even mention give him a present. really a happy birthday haiman.

today gt no cca, so i stayed back to do the noticeboard. charm at first sae that she wanna stay with me to do it but in the end she and the other nps have cca...and those hu have cca went to their cca, those that do not have cca, they kinda went home. this noticeboard is really a bother...we had been doing it since mon, and it is only finished today. yea...not much ppl helped... only me, michelle, rita and geri stayed. well actually geri also dun wanna stay but i persuaded her to? well...yea...she wanted to go home...ignoring the noticeboard...if i were i her i can't do that. but...in the end at least she still stayed back lah... we are doing on the theme 'thinking flexibly'. so we drew the design...and after that did the border. the border is done together with charm and jhos hu sneak out during their cca...luckily din gt scolded. it is simple...with BIG words hahs...really hope that the class will accept.

after we finish everything it was only 5.15pm. charm and jhos went back to cca so we waited for them till about 5.30pm. gf was also ready at that time. but geri was very angry. she sae that she wanted to go home early but cuz of us! she can't. den till 6, the dance members finally came out but they juz went to change so we still nid to wait for them till 6.30pm. you can imagine geri's face...black like charcoal (do you spell it this way?) anyway...PKY was also there. HE WAS SO EXXXXTRA!!! we missed the train only geri and jhos gt on that train so we waited for the other train and thought of many ways to gt rid of that irritating guy who love to finish my sentences. luckily we did manage to gt rid of him lah...but it was so tiring lor...haiz...i reached home late...luckily my parents WAITED for me i was so happy!!! phew...luckily they din sae anything...it was like 7.30pm when i reached home... juz glad that they waited...

13/1/06

today is FRIDAY the THIRTEEN!!! the bad luck day as they call it. quite ok...though the food at UCC provided were terrible but i still eat lots of snacks till i m so fat now!!! hahs. i also realise haiwei is so pretty...omg i think i m in love with her liao...she is so pretty...tall...(well we are the same height...) but i still think haiwei is so pretty...i m memorised by her...hahs...in love with her...

Anyway...we kinda slack in UCC cuz after doing the lighting we are kinda free for the rest of the day till the finale. the skit ppl din gt to act...boohoohoo...Eileen gt this very red dress on which make her look so like nu yong (the maid). it is so creepy lor...den she was faking death there. though i noe it was a fake death...she still managed to scare me haiz...

well and den something bad really happen (well it is friday the thirteen). i dun really wanna sae wat izzt but i juz learn sth from it...dun judge a book by its cover...though that person may seems fierce...he or she may be actually a very nice person. even if that person looks very gentle and caring you nva noe if she is acutally a very cunning and un-caring person.

yea...i think that is all liao...bye cya

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Monday, January 09, 2006
1/09/2006 08:43:00 pm

the first day of the second week

today is the first day for swimming lsn and it was quite tiring lah...we had to swim ten laps the short way...quite tiring...but i think it is a gd start lah...den afteer school we had the noticeboard thingy, as you all noe i m part of the welfare com leader the other person is gf! well...haiz...

I M VERY SORRIE!!! TO GF, TO THE CLASS...REALLY SORRIE!!!
well...you see...i forgt to bring the main material...MAHJONG PAPER...i was really sorrie...luckily the majong paper can be bought from the school book shop...nvm...den after that i was holding a maze pic; a pic that is suppose to be painted up on the noticeboard...I LOST IT!!! omg...can you believe how blur and how BLUR!!! i was??? in a min i was holding it...the next i lost...omg and do you noe in the end where did i put it? i put it in my bag...behind the file...AAAHHHH!!!!! can you believe how blur i was? i feel very bad...very sorrie to all my classmate esp my working partner...really sorrie gf...
how i wish i can go back to the future...

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Wednesday, January 04, 2006
1/04/2006 04:33:00 pm

second day of school

today is sport carnival and i had thoroughly enjoyed myself! in the sundance...not really much of the games in classrooms...but i like the sundance...the song...and everything...it is so nice...i like the sc that was teaching us the sundance i think she really is worth being a sc =) the next time when we can vote for sc i m going to vote for ariel and grace...i think both of them will make very good sc-s hahs...

after school, went to lot one with haiwei and her frens. over there saw many past southview de...very happy...really miss them all esp huijin...first i saw wanying and yawen, den huijin, den yingting lijun and hassrina (izzt like that spell sorrie if i m wrong). very happy really miss hui jin a lot lor...she is taller and slimer...make her so tall and i din grow boohoohoo hahs...

=)

expressing the emptiness inside me..

1/04/2006 04:30:00 pm

first day of school

=) all along i was nervous...den after going into the classroom, it seems different. the first day of school wasn't that bad after all. mrs carmen ling is our form teacher, she is ok...except that her way of dividing the guys and the gals are a bit too much lah...the first time i come into rv, in 1b, i like the way guys and gals are equal. but now in 2b, i really hope that guys and gals can be equal again. mrs ling divides guys and gals too much. it is true that those hard labour work should be only for guys but those jobs like cleanliness or treasurer can dun nid to have both guys and gals wat...realy hope we can be 1b again.

den my laug art teacher is mdm chia. mdm chia, she is nice...but to tell you the truth...i also dislike lit...actually i dun dislike it but den i m juz fearful of it...i m scared of it...i juz dun understand the ques...wat they are asking...is that disliking lit? really hope that her lsn will make me have confident in doing lit again.

sci...my sci teacher is ms ho or you can sae mrs goh, she is 2a's form and i think she walks a lot in class...that make her talk very like...fast and difficult to catch...seriously hope that i can learn well in her class...

den cid, our next cid cluster is chi and charm and ariel are so worry about it. well i m also a bit worry...but if we can be in the same group of the same cluster...i think it will be alrite ba...

den cca...well cca is the usual...the main thing is the gathering after my cca...it is so sweet that geraldine waited for 1h for us to come out, jj kc and nj also waited...gf and jhos also...it has been so long since we went home together...though the train is very squeezy...but i could still feel the class spirit in it...i love 2b hahs...

xinyi is 2c's chair liao...not quite used to it...and ariel duzzen have a 'onion ring' very odd...but i think i will gt use to it if she be the sc for this year hehe...grace still have the ring but she is on probation (izzt like that spell?) for a month...

charm and geri siting together in front while i and jhos sit at the last second row at the back...i m still the welfare head but now with another partner, gf. can you believe it he is also in welfare...haiz...nvm...den have many members...new one there are two new guys, jj and nj...den tze hui is not in welfare liao...yea i think that is all... for the first day. tmr is sport carnival...hope that my socks and shoes won't be dirty so quickly ;) cya

expressing the emptiness inside me..

Sunday, January 01, 2006
1/01/2006 11:06:00 pm

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

whoa it is 1/1/06 a nice nice nice nice day! =)

well it has been rather long since i posted an entry the time when i m offline, i m usually away shopping so i bought a rather lot of clothes...nice clothes...and new year clothes too. today i also watched Chonicles of Naria The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrope (izzt like that spell?) anyway...it is nice...very nice...actually i m still reading this book lengshan lent it to me hehe well...after watching this show i was rather sad...cuz in this show i really saw kinship...how siblings work together and do everything together and how close they were...i really hope and wish for a elder bro which is quite impossible...well...i m always wishing for this...

now for the realistic wish...my resolution for 2006

1. i want to have good study results, good enough or even better to get into a triple sci class next year

2. i want to always be with my that group of frens =D

when i think of more...den i will tell you ;)

yea i m using my old blogskin..i still like this better...the day after tmr school reopen...kinda looking forward but still dreading the hw...do you noe that i juz asked jhosy is tmr really a hol i m so nervous about going back to sch. in the past i would have stomachache the night before sch reopen cuz i m too nervous... :) i was still a kid...i think now i still will...i bought a new pink bag which is really big...and i really hope it won't be too heavy or too big or anything...GOD!!! i m so damn nervous! AAAHHH...

expressing the emptiness inside me..